Twister on Tuesday
Jack opened his eyes. It’s
that time of day when you are still hypnopompic. Some may dread the day ahead,
some may wake and rejoice the day given to them. Whichever you are Jack wakes
every day full of cheer and a smile on his face but today were different. On a
normal day Jacks sister Annie would come in and wake him up but where is she?
Jake rises from bed and with a whirling sensation he sat back down.
“What was that”, Jack
mumbled under his breath.
Now sitting back on his bed
Jack wondered what was going on. As he thought about it his head hurt more and
more. Where is Annie? As soon as the
thought was finished Jack was kicked by a horse. His head pounded with pain,
bang…bang…bang. Elbows on his knees and hands in his head Jack fought the pain.
What is that? Jack wondered
as he looked at the floor. Already bent over jack picked up a glass filled with
what looked like water. Jack tipped the glass up and took a drink. It is water,
the best water he has ever tasted. Gulp, gulp, and gulp. After it is all gone
Jack sits the glass down and tries again to stand up. With success the pounding
in his head goes away.
“Annie!” shouts jack “Annie
where are you?”
Jack walks to the door and
again shouts “Annie!”
“Jack? Is that you?”
Jack rushes to Annie’s room.
Startled Jack freezes
This is the point where you
would expect a commercial or the end of a chapter something to keep you
wondering for what is next to come. Ideally I wish I could end it here and
start another book. I won’t. I can’t. There for I will use my thoughts as a
narrator to hang you in suspense. While I do I want you the reader to ponder on
the thought if what Jack sees. Also this is where I wish I could ask you what
you want to see not so I could listen but more of pure curiosity.
Chapter
2
I decided to make this a
“chapter book” though I may not see five chapters it something I wanted to do.
We left the last chapter with Jack in Annie’s room.
Frozen Jack looks around
following the voice of Annie. He never realized how big Annie’s room actually
was. He looks from one side of the room to the other and still nothing.
“Annie!” Jack shouts again.
“Jack?!”
Beyond any doubt jack
follows where he thinks the sound is coming from. The closet. Why didn’t he
think to look there? That should always be the obvious place to look but never
the less he has found her.
Jack opens the door and
looks inside. Nothing or no one.
“Down here Jack” explained
Annie
Jack looks down “Annie, why
are you in here? How did you get here? Who did this to you?”
“I don’t know.” said Annie “The
last thing I remember was I woke up and it was dark.”
Jack leaned over and helped Annie
up. They both hear a boom in the distance it sounds like a ringing in the back
yard they walk to the window, they see nothing. Its dark. Not the kind of dark
where you have the glow of a moon either.
We all have been in the
dark, right? Well, have you been out in a full moon? There is that glow where
you can see everything as if it were almost day. What about a night where it is
a full moon and the glow of the moon illuminates the fog so that you can hardly
see the things coming as they whiz by. There are also the nights where it is a half-moon
where you can hardly see anything but just enough that you won’t step in
anything you wouldn’t want to. Well the night that Jack and Annie see is
nothing light any of these. In fact it’s much worse, much much worse. Imagine that
you walk to your window and nothing, just dark. You stare off to the darkness
hoping to see something but you can’t. Not even a moon. It’s all gone; it has disappeared
or maybe hidden.
The sky is black, pitch
black. The children fail to be able to even see the tree behind the house where
they swing and climb.
“What happened to the tree?”
Asked Jack, “Where did it go?”
Annie steps backwards to the
door of the bedroom slowly without Jacks notice. She is on a new mission. She wants
to know what is going on. Another boom comes from outside again. Same place
different sound.
Where are my manners? I
failed to introduce Jack and Annie. I apologize, Jack is the older brother of
the two he is 12 years old a little nerdy if you want my opinion. There is
Annie and she is 9, she is probably more mature of the two though she is much
smaller. Annie has the drive of a 14 year old girl, which includes the mouthiness
and the sarcasm; she also refuses to show her feeling which is unique for her
in her way. Jack on the other hand he mature don’t get me wrong but he is still
very dependent on mom and dad kind of like a youngest sibling would be.
Annie reaches the door and
then sprints to the back door. As she reaches it Jack is only a few steps
behind. The door opens and then a gust of wind blows the door open all the way
throwing Jack and Annie across the room. Rain starts pouring in the room
flooding it in a hurry. Jack gets up and pushes to the door. He reaches it and
starts pushing in hopes of shutting it. Half way is as close as he can get. Behind
him Annie helps. With the two of him they work on getting the door shut. Water
flows in and is ankle deep right now Jack knows the chances of getting the door
shut is slimming with every second passing,
Tyler,
ReplyDeleteAll I can say about this story is wow. You’ve left a lot of cliff hangers in there but it keeps you thinking. I couldn’t help but laugh when the story comes to a stop and you kind of explain why you stopped it. That cracked me up. The characters aren’t exactly explained within the story but there was a pause later on that explained them pretty well. The story does in a way go along with the original story but it’s just different enough to fit the assignment. The plot of the story does fan out like it should except the end is not exactly an end but it was pretty good. It is a major cliff hanger but it was a good place to stop. The one thing that stood out to me was in the third to last paragraph while you were explaining the characters the sentence reads; “Jack on the other hand he mature don’t get me wrong but he is still very dependent on mom and dad kind of like a youngest sibling would be.” The part underlined just about drives me nuts how he should be he’s. That’s all that really stuck out grammatically speaking, but I like the story a lot. Your side notes made me laugh quite a bit. Good job (:
-Mickenzie
Tyler,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the plot of your story, however, your grammar could use some work. Overall though, I did enjoy the story.
I have never read the original story, though I did read several other Magic Tree House books that I enjoyed. Based off of what I have read of Jack and Annie, you managed to keep them relatively the same with what I assume to be a different plot than the original book. You did manage to bring your own unique voice to the story and make it your own.
I don’t know that there was any character development. The time frame you set the story in was short and it’s improbable that a character would change in such a short span of time. Since the story is so short and we were just introduced to the main problem, you are forgiven.
Your introduction seemed to be almost to the very end, which bothered me a little bit. However, every other part of the story was there as far as I could tell. I really liked how action packed this was!
The ending is definitely a cliff hanger, but I guess I can’t complain; mine is too. Obviously this is meant to be more of a chapter book, so your ending is pardoned this time. I would like to see where this story leads.
I really liked your voice throughout the story. It’s not always easy to put yourself in a story, but you, my friend, have succeeded in that. Well done.
1. How does the new story compare to the original story? Keep in mind they are supposed to be totally different storylines but can include the characters.- I have not read the story, but from what I hear the story had some similarities but also enough differences for this writing assignment.
ReplyDelete2. How are the characters developed in the story?- There are two characters and they seem to be on their own in a sense or in these events, there isn’t much development, but Jack seems to be protective towards his younger sister Annie but what brother isn’t I suppose.
3. Does the plot of the story contain all the important parts: Introduction, Rising Actions, Climax, Falling Actions, Resolution?- The story is a chapter book meaning it couldn’t have had an ending in the second chapter, and the beginning was kind of at the end. It didn’t sound bad and actually you made it work pretty well!
4. How does the ending satisfy you, the reader?- I’m still curious as to what will be happening in chapter 3….but I guess I will never know. I guess that is the way you wanted the story to end and it’s your story so you have allll the POWER!
5. What is one thing that really stuck out to you in the story and why?- One thing that really stuck out to me was when you were talking about the moons. It made me really thinking about when I’m outside in the dark and when it’s really dark the only thing that puts off light, it the HUGE moon, and when its gone it the darkest color black.
Overall I think your story was very well, it had your personality in it and that is hard to do. I wish I knew what happened next, buuuut since it’s a fake story nothing will be taking place. Good job!